Are generational emotions holding you back from having close, connected, relationship with your spouse and kids?
But first, what are generational emotions? And, how do they get passed down?
When a parent or caregiver is emotionally aware, their emotions will stay with them.
However, when a parent or caregiver is not managing their own emotions, the energy of those emotions will start to radiate and ooze out onto their children.
The child will start to feel the heaviness of those emotions - essentially the child is feeling the feeling for the parent, and will then carry the burden of those emotions into adulthood. This can be done in very subtle or obvious ways.
The truth is that none of us are immune to carrying generational emotions.
But, keep reading for the difference between your own emotion and a carried emotion.
Your own emotion will feel naturally moderate. A carried emotion will feel overwhelming and/or chronic.
Here's a simplified example:
Anger is yours, rage is carried
Fear is yours, chronic fear (anxiety) is carried
Pain/sadness is yours, depression is carried
Embarrassment is yours, shame is carried
Another way to tell the difference between your own emotion and a carried emotion is that you will physically feel the emotions in different areas of your body, as this chart below will show you.
Now that you know what a carried emotions is, let's talk about how to release these emotions
This might sound weird, but one way to release carried emotions is to take a deep breath in, and on the exhale literally imagine the emotion leaving you and going back to your parents or the generations before you.
Or, you could pick up a few stones and imagine the stone as a representation of the carried emotion. Take a deep breath in, and on the exhale throw the stone into a lake, in the woods, or off a cliff and imagine the heaviness of that emotion leaving you. Notice the areas in your body that feel lighter.
Other helpful tools to release carried emotions are:
Journaling. Anytime you are feeling intense/carried emotions write a letter releasing the carried emotions back to the previous generation(s).
Literally imagine “giving back” the emotions to the previous generations. Take a deep inhale and long exhale. On the exhale you can imagine the emotion leaving you and going back where it came from. Think of the emotion like a fog or smoke (anything that comes to mind, there’s no right or wrong way to do this) and imagine the emotion leaving you and going back where it came from.
Warm baths with epsom salts like lavender or eucalyptus essential oils.
Therapy. In particular, a "bottom up" body based approach like Somatic Experiencing, EMDR, or Brainspotting are very helpful.
If you found this helpful be sure to check out 5 reasons you are repeating dysfunctional patterns.