Self Esteem & Confidence therapy
Breaking Free from the One Up & One Down Cycle
Do you ever feel like you’re constantly measuring yourself against others? Maybe you feel “not good enough”, doubting your worth and struggling with confidence. Or perhaps you find yourself feeling “better than” others, using achievements, status, or comparisons to boost your self-esteem. Both are signs of a self-worth struggle.
True self-esteem isn’t about feeling superior or inferior—it’s about knowing your worth is unshakable.
Understanding the One Up & One Down Struggle
Self-esteem struggles show up in two ways:
💔 Shame (One Down) – Feeling less than, unworthy, or not good enough.
💔 Grandiosity (One Up) – Feeling better than others to compensate for inner shame.
At first glance, these two might seem like opposites, but they are actually two sides of the same coin. Both are fueled by contempt—toward yourself (shame) or toward others (grandiosity).
How This Plays Out in Everyday Life:
Shame sounds like:
❌ “I’m such an idiot. I can’t believe I messed that up.”
❌ “I’ll never be as successful as them.”
❌ “I’m not good enough.”
Grandiosity Sounds Like:
❌ “Look at them. They have no idea what they’re doing.”
❌ “I would never make that kind of mistake.”
❌ “I can’t believe they don’t know this already.”
Why This Matters in Relationships
🔹 If you’re chronically One Down: You may come across as needy, withdrawn, or overly self-critical, making it hard to connect authentically.
🔹 If you’re chronically One Up: You might push people away by being critical, dismissive, or emotionally unavailable.
🔹 Both stances create emotional distance—making it difficult to foster trust, intimacy, and true connection in relationships.
Healing the Root of Self-Worth Struggles
The goal isn’t to eliminate confidence or humility—it’s to find the healthy middle:
✅ Healthy self-esteem – Knowing your worth isn’t tied to achievements or failures.
✅ Healthy grandiosity – Acknowledging your strengths without making them define your value.
✅ Healthy shame – Feeling remorse or embarrassment without labeling yourself as “bad” or “unworthy.”
This looks like:
✨ “I know I’m better at tennis than Joe, but that doesn’t make me a better person than him.”
✨ “I made a mistake, but that doesn’t mean I’m a failure. I can own it and grow.”
✨ “Just because someone else has something I don’t doesn’t mean I’m less than them.”
How Therapy Can Help You Break Free
I specialize in helping clients recognize and shift out of the One Up & One Down cycle so they can:
✔️ Break free from self-judgment & comparison
✔️ Develop true self-compassion & confidence
✔️ Heal from deep-seated self-worth wounds
✔️ Set boundaries without guilt or superiority
✔️ Strengthen relationships through authenticity & emotional balance
Your Worth Isn’t Up For Debate
You don’t have to keep riding the emotional rollercoaster of feeling too much or not enough. Therapy can help you step into self-worth that isn’t dependent on external validation, achievements, or comparison.
If you’re ready to build real confidence, lasting self-esteem, and healthier relationships, let’s get started.